A Lazy Girl’s Guide to Feeding Herself: Breakfast Edition

Let’s say you’re home alone. You wake up in the morning and everyone’s already left – your parents are at work, your siblings at school. Sick!

You’re out of cereal. You’re out of milk. You’re out of pretty much everything you can dump in a bowl and then your face. Shit. You end up eating raw bread with some chunky-ass marmalade because you can’t even find the fucking on switch for the toaster. You also can’t find normal person condiments.

If you’ve ever found yourself a situation like the one described above, know this: you are not alone! And that we are going to fix this. This is the first article of our new series – “A Lazy Girl’s Guide to Feeding Herself” – which will hopefully teach you some basic, easy recipes. We’re starting from the bottom (insert Drake joke here), with breakfast. Believe your health teacher: it is the most important meal of the day. Don’t skip it!

  1. Apple Pie Oatmeal
  • 1 apple
  • pinch of cinnamon
  • splash of maple syrup
  • 1/3 cup quick oats (or more if you extra hungry)
  • 3/4 cup water/milk/non-dairy milk

First, chop up your apple. You can peel it too if you’ve got time. Toss said apple into a small pot and add the cinnamon, roughly a 2 teaspoons of maple syrup (but it’s up to you) and about a tablespoon of water. You don’t have to measure either of those things. Carpe Diem. Turn the heat up to medium and cook until the apple looks soft and yummy, about two minutes, stirring every now and then. Dump in your oats, then your liquid. Turn the heat up to medium-high, and cook until the liquid is totally absorbed. If you’re feeling classy, spoon it into a bowl and eat. If not, spoon it right into your mouth. That’s right.

2. Blueberry Chia Seed Pudding

  • 1 handful frozen blueberries
  • 1 cup milk/non dairy milk
  • 3-4 tablespoons chia seeds
  • splash of maple syrup/agave/sweetener of choice

In a bowl or jar, combine the chia seeds, maple syrup, and milk. Stir to combine. Toss in the blueberries and give it a quick stir. Now place the jar/bowl into your fridge. While you do your makeup/shower/walk the dog/pack your bag, let the mixture sit. In about 15 – 20 mins, it should be nicely thickened up and ready for consumption. If not quite pudding like in texture, let it sit a while longer. Enjoy!

3. Green Smoothie

  • 2 cups frozen fruit of choice (fresh is fine too, just add some ice)
  • 1 banana
  • 1 cup of spinach/kale/greens of your choice
  • 1.5 cups liquid (milk, water, etc)

Add all the ingredients into the base of your blender and puree! If things get clogged up, add some extra liquid. No biggie.

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